School has consumed my life. They said it would, but I didn't believe them. I stand corrected! I love it though! I really do! If I didn't, I wouldn't be doing it. I definitely have my favorite clinical sites, and my 'not so favorite' clinical sites, but I try to make the best of it all. If all else fails, just smile and pray. It keeps me busy, but isn't too much of a challenge which is good and bad. I really like to be challenged. As odd as that sounds. But, right now, with my kids the ages they are, it's probably for the best that it isn't too difficult for me. I guess I am a very lucky person.
So, on to behavior issues...Isaac is really stressing me out. His behavior is so erratic. I feel like I am walking on eggshells around him because the slightest thing will set off a massive meltdown. For example, this morning: He came out of his room seemingly happy; smiling, talking. Jared asked him what he would like to eat for breakfast, and he started screaming and ran back to his bedroom. He never did eat breakfast today. I cringe when I ask him if he would like something to drink because I know that it could trigger a meltdown. I cross my fingers when I give him something to drink that he has asked for because I know that 50% of the time, he will meltdown and throw it. I don't know why. Wrong cup sometimes. Other times I am just left scratching my head. I'm not sure what to do really. It's so heartbreaking because I don't understand him. He is my child, I should KNOW what he likes/dislikes. Some people say this is normal "boy behavior". Some have suggested diet changes, some have suggested allergy testing. Others think I should have him evaluated. All are very good suggestions. I don't have a clue where to start with the diet changing though. I bought him some organic milk. Paid $3.34 for a 1/2 gallon!!!! I don't know, and I am tired of not knowing. I've found myself getting very angry when he melts down and it scares me. Angry at myself for not knowing what to do. Not knowing how to make him stop screaming. Many times not knowing why he is screaming. Angry. I don't like it. I don't want him to be labeled. I don't want anyone to ever think that he is not capable of as much as someone else. I want him to be held to as high of standards as every other kid in school. But, I want to help him. I don't have a problem with children with autism, Asperger's, ADD, ADHD. I have a 4 year old cousin with Asperger's, and I love him very much. The problem I have is with the people who treat them inferior. I just want what we all want really. I want the world for my children. I want them to be loved. To be respected. To never be looked down on. I want to wave a magic wand and make everything better. Maybe a bandaid would help. I might need the whole box....
And last, but not least, life. The above 2 paragraphs kind of sum that up actually. Beyond that though, we have other things going on too. Hard to believe, I know. We are ALMOST out of debt!!!! We have paid off our van, and 3 credit cards just this year! We have 2 more credit cards to pay off, a private loan, student loans, and then our house. I am EXCITED! We are on track to have everything except student loans and our house paid off by 1 year from now! And, since I am still in school, my student loans aren't accruing interest right now. The hope is that we can pay them off before they do start accruing interest. YAY! Go us! I see the light at the end of the tunnel. And a LONG tunnel it was. It is safe to say though, LESSON LEARNED! I hope, hope, hope to be able to teach my children enough that they will not have to go through what we have.
I have a feeling that God has something big up His sleeve for us soon. I don't know what it is, but I every once in a while lately have been getting the "butterflies in my stomach" feeling. It's the way I feel when something big is coming up and I am excited/nervous about it. I can't wait to find out what it is! I know what *I* want it to be, but it is His plan, not mine.
And, lastly, please pray for my Grandma Chapman as she is not doing well at all.
“I know that You can do all things;
no purpose of Yours can be thwarted" Job 42:2 (NIV)
No comments:
Post a Comment