School, behavior issues, and life.

School has consumed my life. They said it would, but I didn't believe them. I stand corrected! I love it though! I really do! If I didn't, I wouldn't be doing it. I definitely have my favorite clinical sites, and my 'not so favorite' clinical sites, but I try to make the best of it all. If all else fails, just smile and pray. It keeps me busy, but isn't too much of a challenge which is good and bad. I really like to be challenged. As odd as that sounds. But, right now, with my kids the ages they are, it's probably for the best that it isn't too difficult for me. I guess I am a very lucky person.

So, on to behavior issues...Isaac is really stressing me out. His behavior is so erratic. I feel like I am walking on eggshells around him because the slightest thing will set off a massive meltdown. For example, this morning: He came out of his room seemingly happy; smiling, talking. Jared asked him what he would like to eat for breakfast, and he started screaming and ran back to his bedroom. He never did eat breakfast today. I cringe when I ask him if he would like something to drink because I know that it could trigger a meltdown. I cross my fingers when I give him something to drink that he has asked for because I know that 50% of the time, he will meltdown and throw it. I don't know why. Wrong cup sometimes. Other times I am just left scratching my head. I'm not sure what to do really. It's so heartbreaking because I don't understand him. He is my child, I should KNOW what he likes/dislikes. Some people say this is normal "boy behavior". Some have suggested diet changes, some have suggested allergy testing. Others think I should have him evaluated. All are very good suggestions. I don't have a clue where to start with the diet changing though. I bought him some organic milk. Paid $3.34 for a 1/2 gallon!!!! I don't know, and I am tired of not knowing. I've found myself getting very angry when he melts down and it scares me. Angry at myself for not knowing what to do. Not knowing how to make him stop screaming. Many times not knowing why he is screaming. Angry. I don't like it. I don't want him to be labeled. I don't want anyone to ever think that he is not capable of as much as someone else. I want him to be held to as high of standards as every other kid in school. But, I want to help him. I don't have a problem with children with autism, Asperger's, ADD, ADHD. I have a 4 year old cousin with Asperger's, and I love him very much. The problem I have is with the people who treat them inferior. I just want what we all want really. I want the world for my children. I want them to be loved. To be respected. To never be looked down on. I want to wave a magic wand and make everything better. Maybe a bandaid would help. I might need the whole box....

And last, but not least, life. The above 2 paragraphs kind of sum that up actually. Beyond that though, we have other things going on too. Hard to believe, I know. We are ALMOST out of debt!!!! We have paid off our van, and 3 credit cards just this year! We have 2 more credit cards to pay off, a private loan, student loans, and then our house. I am EXCITED! We are on track to have everything except student loans and our house paid off by 1 year from now! And, since I am still in school, my student loans aren't accruing interest right now. The hope is that we can pay them off before they do start accruing interest. YAY! Go us! I see the light at the end of the tunnel. And a LONG tunnel it was. It is safe to say though, LESSON LEARNED! I hope, hope, hope to be able to teach my children enough that they will not have to go through what we have.

I have a feeling that God has something big up His sleeve for us soon. I don't know what it is, but I every once in a while lately have been getting the "butterflies in my stomach" feeling. It's the way I feel when something big is coming up and I am excited/nervous about it. I can't wait to find out what it is! I know what *I* want it to be, but it is His plan, not mine.

And, lastly, please pray for my Grandma Chapman as she is not doing well at all.

“I know that You can do all things;
   no purpose of Yours can be thwarted" Job 42:2 (NIV)

I CAN do this!!!!

It has been 2 months since I posted. That is far too long. I apologize! I am still loving school. Maybe this makes me odd, but I really do love it. Especially clinicals. I get this stuff. It's so much fun. So, that's going good.

I got over my thyroid issue. They decided it was just thyroiditis, and it went away. Since then though, I have had a couple other things going on. Apparently I had/have free fluid in my pelvis that was causing me some pain. There is nothing that they can do about that, my body will absorb it. I also have a hormone imbalance, so they put me on some low dose birth control to try to correct it. I really feel like I'm falling apart at times.

Now, on to the title of this post...

I have always had major self-esteem issue. I am my biggest critic. I have always been very hard on myself on all fronts. Growing up, I was always bigger than everyone else, so I wasn't as good at doing things as the other kids. This is part of my issue with Zoe being the biggest in her class. So, I always told myself that it was okay to give up. I quit a lot of things! If it was hard, I would quit. Until recently...

I started my "diet", which has really been more of a lifestyle change, on June 18th, 2010. The 2 goals I set for myself were to lose 30lbs in 6 months and to run a 5K within a year. On August 8th, 2010, I found out about and started the Couch to 5K program. I remember the first day. All I had to do was to run 60 seconds then walk 90 seconds, and alternate for a total of 20 minutes. This was embarrassingly hard for me. I remember thinking, "oh my gosh. Am I really that bad off?" I really was. But, I was determined. For the first time in my life, I told myself, "I will NOT quit." Every single run was a struggle. But, I didn't quit. Within 10 weeks of my start date I had lost 20lbs. To date, I have lost 23lbs. Today I finished week 7 of the 9 week Couch to 5K program. I ran for 25 minutes straight 3 days this week. I will not lie, it was hard. I don't think there has been a day yet that I have not thought, "I could just quit. It would be so easy." This always happens about halfway through. I have finished EVERY SINGLE run/walk that I started since I started doing this. I did repeat week 5, but that is not giving up.

Long story short, I am unbelievably proud of myself. This is the best thing I have ever done for me! I am saving my life. Even though my original goal was to run a 5K within a year of June 18th, I am registered for my first 5K on November 7th, 2010. I'm also on track to have my weight loss goal happen earlier than planned. I feel great. I am so happy and still can't believe I am running.

I really love my life right now!!

Philippians 4:13
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Haiti

In May of this year, I had an awesome opportunity to travel to Haiti for 2 weeks. I stayed and worked at God’s Littlest Angels orphanage. This trip pulled me out of my comfort zone in several ways. I am not comfortable with flying, and hadn’t been on a plane since I was 9 years old. I had never been out of the security and comfort of this country before, and now I was going to a country that had ‘travel warnings’ for Americans. I also had never left my 3 young children for any significant amount of time, who, in May, were 3 ½ years, 2 years, and 5 months old. I had people question me about why I was going, and still have people ask me why I went. I still have no answer to that question other than ‘because that is what I felt God calling me to do’. For people who don’t know God, this is impossible for them to understand. But, it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

My first awesome experience during my trip was meeting a young Haitian man named Kesmy in the airport in Fort Lauderdale, FL. Since I had an overnight layover on the way down, I decided to just stay in the airport overnight, and so did he. Kesmy has the most amazing story I have ever heard. When he was 12 years old, he had a seizure and fell into a cooking fire. No one was around, so he was burned quite severely. His father took him to a witch doctor because his family believed in voodoo. His condition deteriorated quickly, and he said that he could feel his fingers start to rot away. He was finally taken to a hospital, but the doctors were afraid to touch him. Finally, a doctor told his mother that if he was going to live they had to amputate both of his arms. After sitting in a Haitian hospital for 6 months with no therapy, very few pain meds, and very little to eat, an American missionary visited the hospital, and ultimately lead Kesmy to Jesus. She was able to get him out of the hospital and to the US where he could get the help he needed. Today Kesmy is 24 years old and so full of life. He is attending Bible school in Michigan, and hopes to become a pastor. His ultimate goal is to return to Haiti and help children and young mothers. He does not let his handicap hold him back at all. In fact, when I asked him if they had ever talked about prosthetic arms, he told me that he actually had a pair, but it was easier for him not to wear them. I thank God for crossing my path with Kesmy’s.

Once I got to Haiti, through immigration, and out of the airport, we started the hour long drive to the orphanage. That was the saddest and most humbling hour of my life. I knew it would be bad by what I had seen on tv, but they tend to exaggerate things on tv a bit. Not so in this case. What they show on tv isn’t half of it. There were tents in every possible open area. There were children walking around either naked or with just a shirt on. Most people were barefoot and walking over mountains of trash and human waste. There was rubble everywhere. There were houses that were completely flat, and others that looked like nothing at all had happened. There were so many people with so much sadness in their eyes, but smiles on their faces. The sights and the smells were heartbreaking, but the sounds were amazing! People living in tents, almost no possessions, and no end in sight were singing praises. If I was living in a tent with my husband and 3 kids in 90+ degree weather and had to pick up everything every time it rained, would I be able to say “Thank you, Jesus, for all You have done”? The Haitian people do.

Once we got out of Port-Au-Prince, I was struck by the beauty of Haiti. I’m not sure what I was expecting the views of Haiti to look like, but I was not expecting so much beauty. It is a truly breathtaking country with gorgeous views. God’s handy work is clearly visible in the mountains of Haiti.

And then there were the children. I spent my days at the main house that houses the younger children from 0-2 ½ years old. I was there every day from 8am-5pm. I was assigned 4 children for my time there. I got each of “my 4 kids” out of the nursery and up to the balcony for one on one interaction for 2 hours every day. It was amazing to watch how much these children bloomed in just the 2 weeks I spent with them. They are beautiful children who have been through more in their 1-2 years of life than most of us could even imagine. These are the faces that will be with me for the rest of my life.

I had the opportunity to go with one of the missionaries down there into a tent city where he held a teen bible study every week. He took us through one of the most devastated parts of Port-Au-Prince. We drove past the tent city run by the French Red Cross. I will never forget the smell that was coming from that tent city. It was a smell that I can’t even begin to describe, and we were just on the outer edge. I can only imagine what it must be like in the middle. We drove past a school that had collapsed. Luckily there had not been anyone inside that particular school when it came down. Then we drove past what had been a 5 story apartment building now reduced to rubble. The knowledge that there were definitely people who had perished when that building came down was overwhelming.

We got to the tent city where Brandon held the bible study. He had about 15 teenagers in attendance that day. Even though I couldn’t understand what they were saying, I could tell that they were having a very deep discussion about God. They told me on the way back to the orphanage that they were talking about relationships with people who didn’t believe in God, and the teens were asking about ways to get their friends who don’t believe to come to bible study with them.
I got the opportunity to interact a little with some of the children in the tent city. It was no where near as much time as I would have liked though. The children that I met were so fun. They were in great spirits, and just absolutely loved having their pictures taken.

As we were leaving the tent city, there was an old woman sitting in a little wooden chair near where we had parked. She grabbed my hand as I walked past her and just held it for a minute. I will never forget the look of sadness in that woman’s eyes as she looked at me. It was a look of such sadness, but gratefulness at the same time. As I walked away, I heard Brandon ask her how she was in Creole, and she said simply, “Grangou.” Hungry. It broke my heart.

There really aren’t enough words or pictures to accurately describe my experience in Haiti. It changed me forever. It drew me closer to God. It helped me to appreciate the little things that we tend to take for granted in this country. Haiti has a spot in my heart that I never knew was there before. I had such as amazing experience. I cannot wait until the day that I can go back. If you have ever thought of going to Haiti, I would urge you to just do it. You will not regret it. I learned a lot about myself in those 2 weeks. It was an awesome bonding experience for me and God.

I actually have a free minute!

I have been incredibly busy lately. :( Between school, doctor's appointments, kids, and life in general, I have been neglecting my blog. I guess I win the bad blogger of the year award. Oh well.

So, school is great. We are almost done with our orientation semester. I cannot wait to get to the good stuff in the fall. We are done with the patient care section. Thank God! That was pretty boring, but necessary. I am doing really well in Med Term which doesn't surprise me because I have always been really good at memorizing things. We just started chest procedures, and that is what we are doing for the next 2 weeks. Then we get a 2 week break, and then get thrown right into clinicals. I cannot wait!! Did I mention that I am excited? lol.

I had my Nuclear Medicine procedure done last week. It wasn't bad at all. I even fell asleep during the scan. I had a follow up appointment with the Endocrinologist yesterday. Other than taking 2 hours, that appointment went well. All of my results were within the normal range. That was a huge relief to hear. So, for now, we aren't doing anything. My vitals are fine, so it's really not a huge deal. He wants me to go back in 3-4 weeks to have more blood work, and I will probably have to do that a couple more times because if it goes hypo, I will need to take some hormones until it levels out. He also wants me to go back for another ultrasound in 6 months to make sure the one "nodule" hasn't grown. He is very confident that it is just postpartum thyroiditis since my thyroid had actually shrunk since last time. All in all, it was GREAT news!

We went to the informational meeting on foster parenting, and learned a whole lot of stuff that I had already learned through my own research. But, we got the packet of application stuff, and the registration paper for the classes. I sent the registration for classes in today. I'm really hoping that the August classes aren't full already because they are the only ones we can go to. I know that it is way to soon to get excited, but I just can't help myself.

The future is in God's hands, and I cannot wait to see what he has in store for our family. It is all so exciting. I cannot believe all the ways that God is using me. I am still having a little trouble distinguishing between His wants and mine, but I'm getting there. I am working on leaving it all up to Him. It's really easier said than done. I know though, that if things don't work out this time, it just isn't time yet.

In other news, we bought a suburban. It's huge! I love it. The car was dying, so we decided we should replace it before it completely died on us. We worked it out so that it would work perfectly with our budget. Two days after we bought it, it started leaking water. Turns out that the radiator needed replaced. It was not something that could have been seen or prevented by the dealer. We actually had a mechanic look over it closely before we bought it. It was just pure rotten luck. The bill was $550!!! This totally didn't work with our budget at all, but we had no choice. I was not terrible stressed about it because we have been in the situation before, and I have learned that stressing does no good at all. As a matter of fact, just a couple years ago, we were barely squeaking by paycheck to paycheck, so we are very familiar with the situation we were in. There was really NO WAY we were going to make all of our bills for the month. But, when Jared went to make a payment on the suburban, he told the dealer about it, and he decided to credit our next payment take some off the total that we are paying in 3 weeks. I knew that God would work it out, but I was totally NOT expecting that. It is so awesome considering it was not the dealers fault at all, we bought it "As Is", and the general reputation of used car dealers. I would recommend him in an instant. Another "Thank you, God" moment.

Last thing, I promise! I have lost 10.4 lbs in 5 weeks!!!!!! I am totally super happy about this. I have struggled with my weight since I was 11 or 12 years old, and it has always been tough for me to lose weight. It seems to be going well this time. I am not looking forward to the dreaded plateau though. I know it is coming!

Proverbs 3:5-6

5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I would gather children.

I Would Gather Children

Some would gather money

Along the path of life

Some would gather roses,

And rest from worldly strife.

But I would gather children

From among the thorns of sin,

I would seek an ebony curl,

And a wide and toothless grin.

For money cannot enter

In that land of endless day,

And roses that are gathered

Soon will wilt along the way.

But oh, the laughing children,

As I cross the sunset sea,

And the gates swing wide to heaven,

I can take them in with me!

~Author Unknown~

I'm still alive!

So, it's been 2 weeks since my last post!! This is what always happens, I start to fizzle out. But, I am determined to keep this up this time. Life has been super crazy since I started school. With that and my thyroid thing and looking for a new vehicle and everything else, I just haven't had time.

I am loving school. It's actually a lot of fun. I really can't wait to get into the actual stuff. Right now we are just learning the equipment and patient care stuff. It's important, but not very exciting. I am taking a class online that has absolutely nothing to do with my major called Religion and Culture. I am only taking it because I needed 3 more credit hours to get my financial aid. Anyway, the prof is AWFUL!! He does not explain himself, he doesn't answer our questions, and he doesn't know how to work the online program well at all. It is really frustrating, and I am thinking about auditing it. I just don't want to end up with the financial aid problems I had the last time that I audited a class. That was uncool.

One of my friends husband is in Haiti this week. I got to hang out with her and her 4 kids on Monday, and just her 4 kids on Tuesday. It was a lot of fun. On Monday night I met one of her neighbors who is a foster mom. I talked to her a lot, and probably annoyed the crap out of her with all my questions. She was great though, and gave us a lot of useful information. I am very excited about this whole thing, and really hope that we will be allowed to do it. The only thing that would keep us from it is our income. GRRR...

We own a suburban! We decided it was time to cut ties with the malibu before it took a dump on us. It was to the point were we didn't know if it would last 6 more months or 6 more hours. So, we got $400 on trade for it, and got something that will fit all our kids plus any more that might be coming to stay with us in the future. I really like it, and Jared is thrilled because he got his truck.

As far as my thyroid goes, they ordered a thyroid uptake and scan to rule out Graves' disease. I am supposed to do that on Tuesday, but I'm not sure now since insurance is saying it is probably not a covered procedure and it costs $900-1000. I can't really afford that, so I am going to call the dr on Monday and figure out if there are any other options for me. The NP that I saw was 90% sure that it's just thyroiditis, and not Graves'. So, I don't know what to do really. I'm thinking we should just proceed like it is thyroiditis and see what happens. 

Life is good, and I can't complain. I am exhausted, but oh so blessed.

I will try to keep updated more often.

Proverbs 3:5-6
⁵Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  ⁶In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

What a week! *ANNOUNCEMENT*

I have been a SLACKER! lol. Sorry.

My first week of Radiography school was a whirlwind. They throw so much information at us all at once. It is a little overwhelming actually. Monday was super boring because all we did was read through the handbook. Tuesday we got to tour the department at the hospital, and Wednesday we got to tour the whole hospital. Thursday we all got our ID badges. That was pretty exciting. Then today we started learning patient care. I have had 3 Med Term quizzes already, and one other quiz. I have 3 quizzes to do by Monday. Yeah, it's that crazy. Plus, there is this Religion and Cultures class that I am taking so that I can have 6 credit hours so I can get financial aid. AHHHH!!! So, this is why I haven't posted in a few days. We have had policies and procedures thrown at us all along the way too. It's just craziness, but I love it.

So, that has pretty much taken up most of my time recently. It'll get better when I can get into a routine. I have done so awesome on my diet this week. My 2 weekly goals that I set were to drink at least 64oz of water everyday, and to exercise 30 min. at least 4 times during the week. I totally accomplished those goals. I actually exercised 5 days for longer than 30 min each time. Tomorrow morning is my "weigh in" day. I hope the scale is nice to me. I am not prepared to share my weight with everyone, but I will tell you what I have lost, if anything. This week, I am keeping the same goals, just bumping the 30 minutes up to 40 minutes. Plus I am adding a new goal this week, to only drink 3 cans of pop total through the whole week. I only drink diet anyway, but that is also really bad for you. This goal might be a challenge for me, but I'm up for it.

Jared has to work tomorrow, but he gets Sunday off for the holiday. That is so exciting! I don't know what we are going to do this weekend. We might just hang out at home. We are usually last minute planners, so you never know what we might decide to do.

So, here's what you all have been waiting for.....Jared and I have decided to take the required steps to become licensed foster parents. We are going to an information meeting on July 22nd to see if we will even be able to given our income. There is a guideline that says we cannot be receiving any state aid. The kids have Medicaid and WIC though, but the woman I talked to didn't think that those counted. She said that she thinks it's just food stamps, TANF, section 8, and stuff like that. Makes sense. So, yeah. You are all probably thinking we are crazy right about now, but this is what we feel a calling to do. We will be pretty selective to protect our children, so we might not have a match very often.

I had never even considered fostering before. As many of you know, Jared and I have had our hearts set on adopting internationally for years now. I am not sure now if that is God's plan for us. So, for now, we are following His callings. We are excited and scared all at once. I know that there will be a lot of negative reactions to our decision, but it really wasn't our decision to make, it was God's. All I ask is, if you have something negative to say, please keep it to yourself. We realize that there are people who already think we are nuts for having our children so close together in age, but again, that was God. Everything is done in His timing. If He thinks we are not ready, it won't happen. He will never give us more than He thinks we can handle.

So, that's the "big announcement" everyone has been anxious to hear. So, if you could pray for us, that would be awesome. :o)

Job 19: 25-26
²⁵ I know that my Redeemer lives,
       and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.  ²⁶ And after my skin has been destroyed,
       yet in my flesh I will see God;